I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
