I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
