their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
