Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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