Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
