I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
