so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
