This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
