ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
