i don't like sucking hair
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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