there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I touched a dick in church today
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
