It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someone shattered a urinal.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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