I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dignity is for republicans.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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