she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
