Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
