The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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