he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize