peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
