no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
