i already hear my dad disowning me
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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