she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
