i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
