Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
