I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
