We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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