Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
