1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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