I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
