i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
