Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Pooping to opera.
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