I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
