Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
