Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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