He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
