Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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