You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Let's paint friendship bongs
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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