I wanna bring you to show and tell
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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