we're chasing vodka with high fives
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
