So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
