I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
