he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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