halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
