Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
