I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Everything about him screamed your future.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How does it feel to date your dad?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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