Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize