this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
