i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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