whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
