I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have feelings that need drinking.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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