Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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