I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
