i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
