there's paper in my vomit.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Randomize
