hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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