I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize