She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
