I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
