I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
