Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
