wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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