You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
