Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
