I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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