don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
