He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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