we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
