we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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