you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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