Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
