i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
