after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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