Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
