Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
