i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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