I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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