i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
