Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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