sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
