new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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