11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We need to get me chipped asap
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
