the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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