whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this just has baby written all over it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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