Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think my vagina is haunted
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
