Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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