Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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