i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
