We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
