I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
