If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize