Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
