Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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