Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
