I wanna bring you to show and tell
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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