i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
