i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
