"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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