i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
