I can text with my tongue
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
