That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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