I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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