I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize