last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
