she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
