you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
