Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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