I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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