i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
