why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
