Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I had to cum in my sink.
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