just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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