cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize