As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
