My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
